<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Our Rude Man by fragilecapricornpanic</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621692">Our Rude Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic'>fragilecapricornpanic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [72]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Humor, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Protective Diego Hargreeves, humor and angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:47:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,700</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26621692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Putting his hand over the phone to cover the mic, Klaus gave Ben an utterly befuddled glance. “A very rude man picked up.” he explained, struggling to make sense of what was happening. Diego had only passed on his number, not actually his new address. Klaus and Ben had thought maybe he’d just needed space to brood after the release of Vanya’s book.</p><p>Ben furrowed his brow at his brother, wondering if he was having some sort of stroke. “Obviously?” Diego was always rude to Klaus, that’s just how it was.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hargreeves &amp; Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves &amp; Klaus Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [72]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Our Rude Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m suuuuuper busy with college and work, but if there’s any character combos you want fics of I’ll look through my laptop and find some :) I’ll probably have at least one of whatever combo, but no incest lol no thx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Putting his hand over the phone to cover the mic, Klaus gave Ben an utterly befuddled glance. “A very rude man picked up.” he explained, struggling to make sense of what was happening. Diego had only passed on his contact number, not actually the address of his new apartment. Klaus and Ben had thought maybe he’d just needed space to brood after the release of Vanya’s book.</p><p>Ben furrowed his brow at his brother, wondering if he was having some sort of stroke. “Obviously?” was all Ben could reply with. Diego was always rude to Klaus, that’s just how it was. Ben couldn’t even blame him.</p><p>Throwing his mop aside haphazardly, Diego rolled his eyes at Al’s unnecessary sass. “Who?” he grunted, hoping it was Eudora. He hadn’t heard from her in way too long. “How the hell should I know.” Al exclaimed dryly, shaking his head. That was super helpful. “Called you Di.” Al muttered through a taunting chuckle as he sauntered off. Diego breathed out deeply, considering whether he should just walk over and put the phone down. He decided he better just check Klaus wasn’t dying or something, bearing in mind how self-destructive he was. Diego cracked his neck, unenthusiastically sauntering over to the phone. “What?” he grouched, giving a dirty look to the phone as if Klaus could see it.</p><p>“Oh!” Klaus gasped excitedly, giving Ben an <i>okay</i> hand gesture. He held the phone to his chest, since Diego often had the audacity to think Klaus was talking to him when he clearly wasn’t. “It’s <i>our</i> rude man this time!” Ben smirked with relief, he was more worried about Klaus finding somewhere to crash than he was. Bringing the phone back up, Klaus was excited to rile up his living brother. “Did you find a new way to deal with your daddy issues? Who the hell was that prick?” Klaus teased sarcastically. He heard Diego huff with irritation. It was remarkable that he was still so easily irritated by Klaus after 25 years. “You’re disgusting. What do you want?” Diego grumbled, sounding like he was in a public area. With lots of men. “Are you in prison? A gay brothel?!” Klaus squawked, shooing Ben away when he impatiently tried to get the gossip. “Why are they <i>grunting</i>?!” Klaus giggled in a pitch too high, wondering if maybe he took too much and this was just some fucked up coma. </p><p>—</p><p>Standing outside the gym, Diego readied himself for chaos. “I swear to god, if you so much as look at anyone I’ll kick your ass.” Diego narrowed his eyes at Klaus, terrified of his brother getting his ass kicked by someone else. His outfit was unbelievably garish, it was almost migraine inducing. His clothes got uglier every time Diego saw him, like a reflection of his psyche. It wouldn’t go down well in the gym. “Aw, come on!” Klaus pouted petulantly “I wanna get into sports.” he whined. Diego sniggered, taking in how Klaus looked like a slight breeze could take him out right now. “Oh yeah, which sports?” he taunted, wondering what his brother’s scheme was. “Whoever will take me, I’m not picky!” Klaus exclaimed with a casual shrug.</p><p>Ben couldn’t help but snort. “I think you’ve had enough <i>sports</i>.” he pointed out, longing for Klaus to get an interest other than sex. It was like he was asking to get sick or in trouble. His seance brother hissed at him, something Diego chose to ignore - though he clearly purposefully looked away from Ben’s direction. That still hurt, even after so many years.</p><p>”You can get into sports another time.” Diego tried to shut down whatever bullshit Klaus was wanting to get up to, Diego didn’t know what the hell it was - but he knew it would be stupid. His brother childishly threw his head back with disappointment. Diego rolled his eyes and reluctantly opened the gym door, dragging Klaus inside with him. “Keep your head down.” he instructed, knowing his brother would have the gall to wink at someone just for the hell of it.</p><p>Completely ignoring his brother’s demands, Klaus took in the gym around him. The looks he was receiving weren’t terribly welcoming, though that wasn’t unusual. Klaus winked at the filthiest look he garnered. “Don’t headbutt anyone.” Ben pleaded, knowing that was Klaus’ go to strategy for homophobes. Diego shoved Klaus’ head down for him when he noticed him ogling. “You’re such a goddamn idiot.” Diego grumbled as he lead them towards a boiler room. Ben and Klaus gave each other depressive grimaces, unhappy with where their brother was currently living. Klaus took advantage of Diego opening the door and glanced over his shoulder, at least one of those guys must like men... Diego suddenly yanked him through the doorway, like something from a cartoon. “I thought your <i>last place</i> was a shithole.” Klaus wheezed as he stumbled down the stairs. Diego caught him just before he tripped and bludgeoned himself on a step. It was irritating how fast Diego’s reflexes were, it was like he’d stolen Klaus’. He swatted Diego’s grasp away, traipsing into the boiler room. This was a weird place to live, even for Klaus.</p><p>”Hell no.” Diego threw an arm out to stop Klaus before he could slump down onto his bed. “I’m your guest!” Klaus whined, dejectedly allowing himself to be shoved towards a chair. “Exactly, that’s <i>my</i> bed.” Diego condescendingly explained, pointing from himself and to his bed. He would probably have to burn the goddamn sheets if Klaus laid on them. “Do you shit in a bucket?” Klaus suddenly blurted, glancing across the room curiously.</p><p>Diego shoved the heel of his palm into his forehead, biting down on his cheek to try and prevent laughing at the absurdity. “Why would I shit in a bucket?” he groaned, regretting allowing Klaus to stay over. “I don’t see a bathroom, do you?” Klaus rhetorically inquired, though Diego noticed his question had been directed to his imaginary friend instead of him. Diego shuffled away from the spot of thin air Klaus was looking at, hoping it wasn’t <i>”Ben”</i>.</p><p>“The goddamn gym has bathrooms, of course I don’t shit in a bucket!” Diego spluttered with exasperation, barely containing his rapidly rising laughter. Klaus shrugged dopily, looking down to his nails to chip at the polish. Diego wondered if he painted them purely so he could pick it off. “Do you want ramen?” Diego sighed, hoping giving the man noodles would distract him enough to make him blabber less. He always complained about eggs, which was ridiculous since he was seemingly always needing a meal. Klaus shrugged again, seeming utterly uninterested in food.</p><p>Diego clenched his jaw, trying to work out how to make him less irritating if he wasn’t going to eat. “There’s a vending machine?” Diego pointed to the direction of the main gym. Klaus followed his gesturing and grinned animatedly, dragging himself up from his seat. “I’ll get it.” Diego told him gruffly, poking him in the forehead so he’d slump back down. He couldn’t trust him in the gym alone, he’d probably get murdered. Diego had no idea how he wasn’t shanked in prison.</p><p>As soon as the door shut behind Diego, Ben and Klaus gave each other faces of repulsion and despair. “This is <i>bad</i>...” Ben whispered, pacing around the room slowly, taking in the strange situation they found themselves in. Ben stopped when he saw mom’s cross stitch on the wall, feeling incredibly nostalgic. He missed his mom. He hadn’t been able to speak to her, or even be seen by her, for eight years. It weighed heavily on Ben, but he often tried to push those kind of things to the back of his mind. “Do you think ours are still in the academy?” Ben wondered to Klaus, pointing at the display. It would be nice to see his, not that Klaus had anywhere to display it. “Sold mine.” Klaus chuckled, snooping around the place. For once he seemed to be riffling through Diego’s sparse possessions out of pure intrigue, rather than having the intention to steal.</p><p>The door flung open and Diego sauntered in, throwing a KitKat directly into Klaus’ hand from the doorway. “Danke!” Klaus yelped, scurrying to open the candy bar. Diego narrowed his eyes at his brother, noticing some of his things had been moved. “You think I actually have shit to steal?” Diego snickered, astounded by Klaus’ stupidity. “I wasn’t stealing, I was...” Klaus gestured vaguely to the surrounding room “...investigating.” Diego shook his head to himself, ambling down the stairs as he cracked his knuckles. “Have you been living in a closet this whole time?” Klaus questioned with a furrowed brow.</p><p>It had been a several months since Diego had moved in here, and a few months of radio silence from Klaus. It was kind of nice to get some peace from his brother’s chaos, but Diego had been growing worried about him. He always began to become concerned when Klaus would vanish for a prolonged period. That had been happening more and more frequently as the years went by. It was good to know he wasn’t dead, though Diego considered he’d probably want to murder Klaus himself by the morning anyway.</p><p>“Not a closet.” Diego curtly corrected his brother, wanting that distinction to be crystal clear. It wasn’t a closet. Klaus scoffed, smirking slyly. “You’re <i>homeless</i>.” Diego grunted with frustration, picking up the candy wrapper Klaus had rudely dropped to the floor. “I’m not homeless!” Klaus yelled in his defence “I have a home, I just change it frequently...” his brother mumbled, his volume trailing off. “Like a homeless person.” Diego quipped, trying to work out if Klaus was kidding or actually that deep in denial. His brother was literally here right now because he had nowhere to sleep. “Well we can’t all live in such bourgeois luxury.” his brother sarcastically remarked, lazily waving a hand around. Diego flipped his knife, biting back a smirk. “If it’s such a shithole then leave.” he suggested, making his blade do loopdeloops. “It’s not <i>that much</i> of a shithole.” Klaus giggled, so obnoxiously that it made Diego’s ears rattle.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>